THE DUBAI LOYAL were kings of the desert again last week when they defeated fierce rivals the Dubai Hoops 8-4 at the Dubai Creek Golf Club to go 4-1 up in the series.

Captain Grant 'the jakey' Douglas was delighted with the win saying only Derek Johnstone's tight-fitting brown tartan shorts spoiled an otherwise perfect day.

Unusually for Dubai, rain had threatened all day but the only water was from big Jim 'pavrotti' Graham's forehead as he counted how many golf balls he had put into the water. In fact the lakes level was raised by 3 inches and most of the fish killed off by white falling objects that used to be golf balls.

The match was even for the first two minutes before the bears began to intimidate their opponents by sometimes taking less than 4 putts on the green.

Mike 'Gobi desert' smith actually found four different bunkers on the 17th, one of which was actually on the 3rd, and its not easy to do that as the bunker on the 3rd is 140 metres in the opposite direction!

Our guest this year  Derek Johnstone not only won his match but proved his worth well in the question and answer question session palming off bouncers from the hoops fans like Geoff boycott against the West Indies. Derek also performed well at the post match drinks in Biggles Bar although his football talents clearly don't extend to Karaoke.

The trophy is a lidless teapot that we used in year one as no-one had remembered to buy a trophy but Norrie 'clowns shoes' Macdonald has said that for 2009 we must either find a lid or buy a new cup.

Celtic had Bertie Auld and George McCluskey over and like they had done so many times in their footie career tasted defeat yet again. There was the usual rumblings about questionable handicaps but Grant ' the jakey' Douglas reduced all handicaps to 18 and despite howls of 'its no fair' and ' Can I play off the ladies tees' the match was played in good spirit and both sets of players were a credit to their clubs.

Derek Johnstone's attempts to get a winter tan were thwarted by three days of rain and he went back whiter than he arrived.

Wee jim Henderson had the longest drive of a divot 65 metres and sammy 'sniper' mcphee and Stuart 'skirmish' baird lost their match but were able to find the buffet 6 times as consolation for not being able to find a green all day.

We would like to thank Derek for his time, he is a superb ambassador for the club and never tired of posing for photographs and signing autographs.

If any Rangers supporters clubs are interesting in playing golf in Dubai we are always up for a challenge and with ART TV covering 90% of the Rangers matches live you don't have to miss a game.

More information HERE